First Death of A Friend

"Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed--" Corinthians 15:51.

At this point in my life there are days when I feel fully saturated with theology. If someone says one more word to me about GOD and his mercies, there are times in those moments when I want to scream. All I've known is Christianity. My family is a very religious Brethren (Methodist) set with very "Sithian" values. Black is black, White is white and any grey areas have to be fought over, verified and accepted (by a man of course) to be of any religious worth.

Growing up this way I now realise, made me have a very polar thought pattern. I was not easily molded outside the church. You may think that in the end that simply make me a very good church girl, who covered her head and prayed daily. Not so. I made noise about women's roles in church and questioned many "religious" practices. Eventually, I (stopped attending my church) and decided to explore other religious options - ones which I believe will allow me to grow with GOD, not stifle my growth.

One recent Saturday morning, I was once again passively ejected into the religious world of my youth with the death of a friend. Henry Richard Horatio George Webster, my uncle and friend to many people in the missionary community home and abroad.

Now, the Thanksgiving Services for my family members are always events of celebration. When the tributes and eulogy's are read, I always feel as if I'm a part of a legacy of "ever-living" legends. Of course, having rebelled against my Brethren beliefs long ago, I sat a little uncomfortable in the church chair (some of us have graduated from hard wooden pews), reminiscing on old hymns like "How Great Thou Art" and thinking that maybe I had given up more than was needed.

My uncle, was indeed a legend. His initials have been referred to as "His Royal Highness" because of his manner to be stately at all times, slow to speak but quick to point and always following after what I've often heard referred to as "the kingdom of GOD".

However, the things that touched me the most were not his religious accolades but the fact that he was indeed human. Loosely put "He liked the ladies" one would say. And according to another funeral report, was a noted troublemaker in his own humorous way. He fell asleep while driving long (and short) distances and he'd been known to be a little heavy on the gas before the responsibility of family.

At the end of the two hour service, you could truly see that he was indeed a friend loved by many.

So, it has made me wonder a bit about my own life and friendships. I have not yet lost someone close to me, someone who I call "My friend". But if I were to die, would there be any mention of a good nature and a true human spirit? Or would there be not that much to say at all?

Chapter First

"Please list the Telltale Signs of the Transition from Childhood to Adulthood". It may include First Car, First Car Payment. First Home, First Mortgage/Rent Payment. First Sexual Encounter. First Child, First School Fee. First Marriage. First Death of a Friend. The one I refuse to list, is the day one turns twenty-one. I know that this may frustrate and quite frankly "piss-off" a few people but I have good reason. "The Telltale Signs of the Transition from Childhood to Adulthood" which I will hereafter refer to the as "The List of Firsts" should not include any mention of birth dates simply because any one of these signs or "firsts" can occur at any time.

Culture, Illness, Loss of a primary caregiver, are no respecter of age. So clearly, age has nothing to do with it. Does it mean that the "age old" saying "listen to your elders" doesn't count? Well, I think it's worth removing from the pedestal.

I have been going through my own set of "first" encounters recently. My first blog for example. You're reading it. And for a first I'm determined to keep it going.

First Car, First Car Payment. I decided I needed a car, "to help facilitate the multiple road trips my career calls for". Truthfully, I think I was just being greedy, but I just could not resist the gold sheen and beauty that is my Suzuki Vitara. There are times when I feel that owning my first vehicle is more than a simple acquisition. It's an accomplishment. It's a sign that I'm ready to handle a different kind of accountability. It is my mark of freedom. My ability to go to the supermarket without having to find a cab or visit friends on some idle Saturday evening who will be willing to take a trip with me to the outskirts of Port Royal for fish and shrimp. Or even better, the key to my future Negril journeys.

My first car payment however seems to be a "first" step to slowly severing this dream of liberty and freedom and thoroughly cementing "a different kind of accountability". I have, since owning my first car, realised that the expense to fuel the vehicle for these and other fantasied trips is more than my now shallow pockets can accomodate. So for now I will continue to dream.

First....This and other firsts have now allowed me to truly appreciate my past life of irresponsibilty, where my only complaint was that I had to do the pile of Sunday dishes.

I believe that my major shock into adulthood was actually The First Marriage. The day I recieved that unexpected call, the shock, the countless questions...and then three months later there I was. Seated in the second row, on a wooden church pew amongst people who I had spent the best of my high school years with, watching one of my best friends say "I do". That! was when I felt old beyond compare. I truly felt life change at the moment. It was a moment of pride, joy and strangely enough sad uncertainty. We had all grown-up. And life seemed as if it would remain some kind of untold mystery.

Uncertainty is what frightens me. And "firsts" are always filled with uncertainties.

So, how is a person really suppose to handle the transition from childhood to adulthood. Do you hold back and live in what you know, in a safety net? Or do you ford the deep, murky waters of the unknown, hoping you don't sink if you happen slip under?